Qualifications for the Second Series of Masterchef Australia

Behold!

fingers

I burnt myself cooking, didn’t I? While I love a good sore, both my boss and my partner have been turned into squirming schoolgirls at the sight of my horrid blisters. If you’re made of stronger stuff, there’s a picture under the fold.

Despite the obvious qualification of my ability to look marvellous in finger bandages and the earnest protestations of my niece and nephew, I will not be applying to be on the next series of Masterchef. I think it’s highly unlikely that a fat 38 year old mother of young sons who derives great personal joy from cooking and who lives in a suburban regional area will win two years on the trot. If you’ve got a zingier profile, you can apply here.


IMG_3813

Doesn’t hurt a bit, due to the marvel that is an aloe vera plant that can survive the Canberra winter.

32 comments ↓

#1 Hedonistic Hostess on 15.08.09 at 5:01 pm

Oh no! Zoe that looks awful, you poor thing. I hope you dulled the pain with a bottle or two of wine ;-)

#2 another outspoken female on 15.08.09 at 6:26 pm

Ouch but hurrah for aloe :)

#3 Dame Mint Pattie on 15.08.09 at 6:34 pm

Cringing on the couch! Our Man’s got no hope of getting me back into the kitchen after seeing that. How did it happen?

#4 Dr Sister Outlaw on 15.08.09 at 6:56 pm

Zoe, that’s feckin’ terrible. My cooking oil on fingers experience was as a salesgirl at Chickadee in Hobart, lifting tongs out of a deep fryer and tipping them up when they were still full of fat, so the fat ran BETWEEN my fingers. Bloody hurt. But yours is more impressive. OUCH.

#5 Cristy on 15.08.09 at 7:55 pm

Ouch ouch ouch!

Slight error in your post, however: with the exception of the present impressive state of your fingers, you, my dear, are most certainly not fat.

#6 dylwah on 15.08.09 at 7:57 pm

Yeeooowwwzza

#7 Zoe on 15.08.09 at 8:02 pm

What happened was leaving a cast iron skillet with too much oil in it unattended – while I took pictures of the kids being cute – then grabbing the hot handle and flicking the hot oil onto my hand. Don’t do that, guys.

As aof said, yay aloe. A basin of icy water followed by days of aloe has meant no pain past the initial ouch and really good healing.

And Cristy, after long struggling with it, I am outing myself as a fatty. I am, goddamit. Doesn’t mean I’m not lovely to look at.

#8 drew on 15.08.09 at 8:05 pm

Am I alone in thinking those blisters look completely brilliant?

I’m getting the pan on now

#9 Cristy on 15.08.09 at 8:18 pm

Drew, you are probably not alone, but I am certainly not with you.

Zoe, fair enough. I guess you and I have different concepts of ‘fat’.

#10 steve on 15.08.09 at 8:32 pm

Hi Zoe, I feel your pain. However I’m gonna do the Crocodile Dundee bit & say ‘Now this is a knife!’ & compare burns.
I once had a cordon of flaming oil splashed on me that ran down my forearem & collected on my elbow. As it ran down it immediately blistered leaving a puffy trail behind it whereupon it popped as I bent my elbow. To say it really hurt was an understatemeent, ouchy!
Aloe vera is magic!

#11 Zoe on 15.08.09 at 9:22 pm

Well, Steve you’ve spend many more hours in front of a hot pan of fat than I’ve have, so I have to step aside. Did you put it on the internet though ;)

#12 our man in Canberra on 15.08.09 at 9:36 pm

Dame MP told me to come and check out the blisters and they are impressive (honourable scars and much more practical than schlager play).

While the aloe plays its part, for me the initial (lengthy) application of ice is crucial (as well as the obligatory sweary dance moves post-burn).

And Steve you win, but I suspect a Yorkshire connection…

#13 Steve on 15.08.09 at 9:50 pm

Zoe- no i didn’t as it happened before the internet was invented!, ha ha!
Our man in Canberra-I laughed out loud as I went to your link, I know I must sound exactly like those Python gits! Know this though, It FREAKIN hurt!

#14 Crit on 15.08.09 at 10:30 pm

Ouch. But I’m glad it’s not hurting too much…

#15 Penthe on 15.08.09 at 10:38 pm

Very impressive blisters. I used to have the monopoly on kitchen-burns in our house, but I never reached those heights. Glad your healing hasn’t been too bad.

#16 Wendy on 16.08.09 at 4:30 pm

Eeeek! Slightly horrified. Mostly fascinated. Can’t stop looking at those blisters…

#17 dan on 16.08.09 at 4:31 pm

they look cool, you know you can stitch a pattern onto that now (might even be big enough to slip the bedazzler in there).
And we of refined taste prefer rubinesque or well lived!
heal well and prosper

#18 kel on 16.08.09 at 8:21 pm

a needle comes to mind! ewww

#19 ampersand duck on 16.08.09 at 10:04 pm

Oh, you poor thing. Cool shot of you giving us the bandaged bird… but there must have been plenty of tears when it happened!

#20 Liam on 17.08.09 at 10:27 am

That is bad-aaaaaarse.
Totally Churchill, all you need is a cigar, a Martini and un unquenchable bloodlust.

#21 Fyodor on 17.08.09 at 11:05 am

You are lovely to look at*, and you’d be telegenic to boot – you should definitely go on Masterchef to show off the mad skillet skillz.

* More so without the leprous fingers.

#22 Liam on 17.08.09 at 1:38 pm

mad skillet skillz

The skillets to pay the billets?

#23 Zoe on 17.08.09 at 2:34 pm

I was going to say I obviously don’t have the mad skillz, but I’m not sure since @eatingwithjackie (who was in the Masterchef top 50) tweeted that someone managed to cut both their hands in the “onion slicing challenge”.

#24 Fyodor on 17.08.09 at 2:38 pm

The skillets to pay the billets?

Skillets to fry the fillets?

#25 Liam on 17.08.09 at 3:44 pm

Skillets to fry the fillets?

Uh-huh, yeah, it’s all about the frying pans.
/”Puff” Pastry Coombs

#26 Mindy on 17.08.09 at 4:57 pm

Holy crap that looks like it hurt. Very impressive and your cooking cred is way high with that. I think you should go on Masterchef. I would watch it then, rather than get hooked three (non-sequential) episodes before it finished. Then when I had to go to the airport to pick up a husband who shall not be named and taped the last bit of the last episode and forgot to watch it before the aforementioned husband who shall not be named deleted it from the hard drive. So I will never know how Julie came back from her ‘sticky’ pastry.

#27 ThirdCat on 18.08.09 at 1:22 am

fark

#28 kate on 18.08.09 at 9:58 pm

“fark”

Quite. Did you do the “pretend it doesn’t hurt and really it’s all humdrum out here nothin’ to look at” routine in the presence of the children? Our kid freaks out if he thinks we’re hurt, having to pretend we’re not seems to add to the pain. I remember my Mum swearing when grating her fingers one night, we expressed no sympathy at all because we were too busy telling her off for breaking her own no swearing rule. She washed the carrots and cooked them anyway, for the record.

#29 Dr Sister Outlaw on 19.08.09 at 11:30 pm

re missed eps of masterchef – dead easy to just watch them on the channel seven website where they flow easily down even the most poxy broadband connection – and kids need to learn the moments when swearing is appropriate, and do this best by example. Then you can explain that it’s not OK for eight year old to emulate mum being colourful unless he has also unwittingly removed chunks of flesh

#30 Zoe on 20.08.09 at 5:10 pm

I took my toddler to the doctor today and he roused on me for not seeing him about my hand. So don’t do this at home, kids.

#31 Pavlov's Cat on 22.08.09 at 9:21 pm

If the doc didn’t see your hand, who did those very professional-looking bandages?

Oh wait — don’t I remember you saying Owen was a Virgo? Well then.

#32 Zoe on 22.08.09 at 9:29 pm

Nah, Pav. My boss, who’s a med school drop-out. And a Virgo.

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