Nabakov presents The Hat Flu Cure

compleat bachelor fare archive

A very seasonable recipe based on litres of tradition and extensive hands on research. Works fine with all hats.

First catch your flu.

Blend half a bottle of fine coloured spirits – preferably brandy, whiskey/hy or rum, with a couple of glasses of fishpiss (water) in a saucepan and bring to fingerhurting but not boiling heat.

Then flake in a cinnamon stick the size of Donald Trump’s real dick, half a dozen cocktail-sized lemon slices, a pinch of hammered cloves and some grated nutmeg if the mood takes you..

Now add a big swingeing tablespoon of unsalted butter from happy cows, another equally butch dollop of honey from busy bees and simmer, stir occasionally and sneeze for the length of four good 60s pop songs.

Decant contents of saucepan into thermos flask. Recline on bed or sofa with flask and glass to hand. Place hat on foot and starting imbibing your hot toddy.

When you can’t focus on the hat anymore, that’s when the hat flu cure is kicking in.



#1 Dr Sister Outlaw on 30.06.09 at 9:25 pm

a damnably good recipe Nabs, the only possible way of dealing with colds when you are on your lonesome.

I have a friend’s recipe which ensures you will stay on your lonesome. It goes like this: take a mortar and pestle and grind up a chilli with two cloves of garlic (the thing that ensures lonesomeness) and a square centimetre of ginger. Add the juice of a lemon and enough hot water to come to the top of a smallish glass. Swallow it as quickly as you can. After you recover from fainting, you may or may not feel better. You sure as hell won’t be fit for work.

#2 Cohen the Cinnamonarian on 01.07.09 at 8:23 am

Excellent recipe. I think it was Seinfeld who once said that everything tastes better with cinnamon. Words to live by.

#3 FDB on 01.07.09 at 12:18 pm

Snuffle snorkel snotty sneeze,
I could use me one o’ these.

#4 ampersand duck on 01.07.09 at 1:13 pm

Wot Naomi said, but alternate mouthfuls with the best whiskey you can afford. And now I know to watch the hat! Great post.

#5 Zoe on 01.07.09 at 2:26 pm

The only possible problem I see with this cure is that you could never be sure when to stop taking it.

#6 ampersand duck on 02.07.09 at 10:48 pm

I think unconsciousness solves that problem…

#7 kate on 03.07.09 at 11:04 am

Dr SO my partner tries to make me drink the garlic & ginger & lemon thing. Euch. Makes just having the cold look good. Personally I leave the garlic out and enjoy myself.

#8 Kate Borland on 01.04.11 at 7:48 pm

Can I please have an alternative ingredient for the fine colored spirits? Preferably work as well and puts me in the fuzzy picture frame of mind……

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