Harry presents his drunken figs

(This post is part two of a series, the first of which is here.)

So why was I buying dried white figs in the first place?

Harry’s Drunk Figs

The little white figs are very versatile. They are great as a healthy snack that softens with your own saliva. In this guise they are good for hiking and invading Germany.

The dude I bought them off recommended soaking a bunch overnight in a bowl of water and eating them (drained) in natural yoghurt for breakfast, but since I am only slightly sexually ambiguous I have not done this.

The best thing to do with them in my view is to soak them overnight (and the next day, I guess) in a bowl of white wine. It doesn’t seem to matter which since the figs will sweeten any dry white.
Say, six for each person.
Drain the, now amber coloured, wine into a saucepan and reduce it a bit.
Once it looks right, tip the figs in and aggressively turn up the heat. Stir and watch as the wine becomes a heady flavoursome liquor.
At this point you can, if you have a certain Joi de Vie or a dashing moustache, add a jot of brandy to the mix.
Once heated (say, ten minutes) pour over a good quality vanilla ice cream. I recommend ‘Connoisseur’ brand.

(Incidentally, we perceive ice cream to be of higher quality if it comes from a round tub than from a square one. This is totally true.)

Eat, and touch a woman, or (if you are already a woman) yourself, on the boobs.
You, and they, will feel much better.

Harry’s series continues here.