How do you do. Allow me to introduce myself, I am the Devil Drink. Pull up a chair, make yourself comfortable, and help yourself to a glass of whatever you’d like.
You see, with her child-chewed Penguin paperback edition of the Delomelanicon, a bit of incantation and a burned sacrifice or two on the suburban gas-burning altar-stove, I have been summoned here by Zoe to provide my services. I must say I find myself unusually at home at this progressive’s dinner party, I’m quite familiar with your best of intentions. My driveway is paved with them—but let’s not get started on discussing real estate just yet.
It’s the usual deal, as I’ve explained thoroughly to others; temporal benefit for payment delayed, a deal unique in bargain-basement value. No job is too small, naturally, and I’m offering here all my efforts in agony auntery, booze pointers and advice on grogiquette. In short, let me answer your curiosity about anything drink-related.
Readers, let your idle hands make the Devil’s work. I am entirely at your service. Questions in comments below or if you’d prefer to remain anonymous, to thedevildrink@yahoo.com.au. My answers will be published in one week.
25 comments ↓
“Alcohoracle”
Everyone’s got a suggestion. Mine was “Arrakle” but there’s no dissuading the Devil Drink once he’s set his mind ter sumpthin.
Also, I have a question for him. Do you like Pina Coladas?
Do you like getting caught in the rain?
Dear Devil Drink,
Yes I have a question. I’m currently writing a baroque jazz funk opera about The Glorious Revolution and I’m struggling to find a word that rhymes with ‘Orange’ - especially when sung by a counter tenor whose always on the turps.
Can you suggest anything here?
Stymied of St Kilda.
But please no suggestions about recasting the Stadtholder as baritone. Been there, done that.
Incidentally, Liquid Lucifer, great to see your gravatar decently sized at last. Both of ‘em.
That’s a fantastic image. Is it Lee Marvin about to suggest “fuck this scene, why don’t we go trolling for marlin in the carpark instead? Bring the ice.”
Okay Beelzebooze, bring on the Facts…
1) What is the most reliable saucy beverage? (y’know, nudge nudge… hip lubricant)
2) What is the best hangover-curing beverage?
Thanks v. much for the earworm Zoe and &D.
I’m not much into health food.
Are you into cocaine?
“…There’s a little cafe up Sydney Road from me in Brunswick..”
sprung - Pseuds Corner!
Is that a cry for help, FX, or did you just get the wrong thread?
Nabs…Falange…:)
Falange…as in comparisons to future of course.
Blancmange…used to describe character or event.
Dear Oracle
I attended a performance of Keating! The Musical at the theatre last night, and had a couple of sherbets before the show.
While waiting in the queue for the ladies’ loo just before the show began, a neatly groomed middle aged man approached me and volunteered to escort me into the gentlemen’s convenience. I accepted, and he led me in, waited for me, showed me to a basin, pointed out the handtowels, and held the door open for me to exit.
Some of the men in there (and there were many) appeared bewildered or affronted. But I’d had too much wine to wait until interval. Did I do the right thing?
I’ll await the ref’s call on that one, Zoe, but I’m guessing that you probably shouldn’t have pissed in the basin. Maybe you do things differently in Canberra, but that sort of thing is frowned upon in most gents’.
I have a question for the Lord of the Barflies: if you happen to run out of Noilly Prat, is it still OK to have olives in your gin not-quite-a-martini? I rather like olives, and I don’t see why the absence of mixer should deny me the pleasure.
Dear Zoe,
I think the answer to your question depends on who the man was.
Love,
The Oracle xx
Germaine Greer availed herself of the mens toilets before her lecture on Mansfield Park last year. If it’s ok for her, it’s ok for the rest of us.
I hear he’s not into yoga, but he has half a brain…
[clap]
One question, Devil Drink.
White sambucca: WHY?!?!?
“is it still OK to have olives in your gin not-quite-a-martini?”
I vote yes, provided you slosh in a bit of extra olive water. But of course I’ll wait for the proper adjudicator.
Jeez darls, I’ve been known to use men’s loos, and without the escort of a courteous fella. When the ladies toot is beyond busy it’s the only way to go (particularly at full-on events like the Melbourne Cup at country race tracks, when everybody’s three sheets to the wind.) There’s no great drama - all the blokes have their backs to you, and you can usually be in and out without ‘em being any the wiser. Pretty specko having a gallant chappie standing guard, though - I’m way impressed. And yeah, slosh in the olive water and turn it into a not-quite-dirty-martini.
[clap]
Is it a week yet?
Dear oracle:
Is it wise to eat before sipping one or two small tequilas with friends? Or does it just interfere with one’s ability to scull the last 1/4 of the bottle in a race to get the ‘gusano’?
And, just how did I get home?
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